The other night I was really down. It’s been months since I’ve heard much from a small group of friends I thought I was really close to. I don’t have very many friends. I do have other friends, but this group felt like sisters when we were together. We planned having outings with our kids, that sort of thing. We would get together once a month to hang out and play games.
Now, I’m not sure.
I talk to one a little here and there, and I recently went to see her for a scentsy party. I had a nice time, but I feel like we only get together for these types of parties. I did go to her housewarming, but was late and only stayed a little while because of working. Work schedules are a big factor in planning any sort of get together.
I talk to another about once a month when I visit her at her work. The third I haven’t talked to in months, and don’t even know where she’s living at the moment. I know she and her husband bought a house, but not where. I have asked, more than once, and just never receive a reply. I don’t know why this bothers me so much. I guess I thought you told friends where you were living?
My husband came up to comfort me during my break down. He reminded me that not only do I have other friends, that we were also not the type of people to call anyone, and that everyone’s been busy lately with us all three buying houses this past September and October.
During the conversation I brought up the fact that I have more friends around the world, that I only talk with online, than I do offline. Even those friends, I really only talk to online. That’s part of what’s so hard about socializing with this group of friends, they’re not nearly as big into online things as I am. So, if they’re not online, I hear nothing from them. I don’t talk to anyone on the phone but my mom. Everything else is pretty much through facebook, twitter or email. I don’t even text that much. I try to plan times to hang out, but either I get no reply, or schedules just don’t seem to match up.
I miss having friends I could hang out with and play games. It’s not the same when it’s only two people playing a game, and mostly we don’t play games just us, we watch TV together (right now we’re on firefly) in the rare times we’re both home at night.
Then my husband said something else that caused me to have one of those light bulb moments. You can have friends who your only thing in common with them is location: you live in the same city, went to the same schools, etc. Or, you can have friends who your only thing not in common with them is location. It’s okay to have friends who you’ve never met face to face.
He said that if this group of friends is really my friend, than when things settle down, they’ll call or we’ll work out a day that works to hang out. In the interim, I do have other friends, and not to discount them because we haven’t been super close in recent years. I could contact some of them to hang out some time, if that’s what I really wanted to do.
But really, when do we ever go out anywhere? We both work 45–50 hours a week. Then we get home and have to put the house together, and keep it running. Mostly, he builds and fixes things around the house, while I do the day-to-day functioning type things to keep it going: like dishes, laundry and groceries, etc.
Our house is 161 years old, it’s like having another family member to take care of. I love my house. It’s just a lot of work.
Question to the readers: What are your thoughts on friendships either offline or online?
I feel the same way, I have a few friends that I see maybe once a month or every two months and I talk to my online friends way more. I had a friend who lived here and we were really close but grew apart and when she moved out of the city we started to talk a lot more online! It’s hard to keep up with everyone’s schedules so I don’t get to see my friends often and they’re all growing up and having their own families etc. Also I’ve noticed when friends get married…you lose touch if you aren’t married yourself! I’ve lost a few friends that way, they want to hang out with married couples instead of one on one. Sorry this was a long comment >.>
Long comments are always welcomed! It is hard when friends get married, or when you get married and then they’re not. It changes you so much, but at the same time it doesn’t. Especially at the beginning where you’re still working things out, it’s hard to balance it all. I guess it’s part of growing up that you have much less time to be able to get together with friends.
You want to know where all my friends are? The actual ones I consider friends. Just like you. Online, not offline. I honestly don’t have any besides Dad that I would consider friends. That is why having an internet is so important t me. I never talk on the phone. People either email or text me.
Please remember I am always here if you need to talk about anything. If you want I will send you my cell phone(the only one I have) & you can call me if you want.
I could not imagine living without internet. I’d sooner give up buying most of my groceries before turning off my internet. But I have a friend without it, and I just don’t understand. I’m actually much better at talking to people on the computer than through my phone. I never remember to charge it, and I don’t always remember where I’ve put it.
It hurts a bit when you get so used to someone being there, and then they’re gone.
I’m a total shut in. 
I have a couple friends I talk to who live in Europe, and one in the states I really love talking to. However, I talk to my husband and my dad more than anyone else. XD;;;
Yes, it does. I have my husband at home, it’s just hard lately with our schedules, so I think that’s why I’ve been feeling so alone. Lately I haven’t even had him to talk to, and then all this started getting to me.
I know exactly how you feel. I have a “core” group of girlfriends that I’ve had basically my entire life, and my girlfriends from college, but when I moved to DC last year, I was so lonely. I realized — surprise surprise — that I actually wasn’t all that good at making friends. I mean, I have a a fair number of acquaintances, but I’m really a homebody. I’m so thankful for my online friends.
Two of my girlfriends live here in DC, and I see the one maybe once every two months, and we’re so busy we barely speak. The rest are scattered across the world. I’ve felt left out and lonely more times than I can count. I’ve started to make more friends here, but it’s hard, especially when you’re working so much. It’s harder when you can only see your best friends twice a year or so. I mean, once we’re all together, it’s like no time at all has passed, but those times in between … it sucks. It sucks a lot.
I’m always here if you need someone to talk to, you know.
It’s the same with me. When we’re together, it’s mostly like we haven’t been apart for a year, but those long stretches in between with no one to talk to, is hard. Work is defiantly a big thing stopping it, too. I’m glad that I’m not the only one to feel this way. Misery loves company? Or, maybe just that there is hope, that I’m really not alone, more that most of my friends live inside my computer now.
Reading your post and all of the comments has made me feel 100% better because I am like you and many of your visitors — I don’t have very many offline friends…if I were to be honest I don’t have any.
I have a tendency to be rather shy and introverted until I get to know people.
I think it is more important to have the inner knowledge that you aren’t alone in this big bad scary world then to be concerned over the fact of whether your friends are offline or online. After all, isn’t a friend someone who is there for you when you need them?
That’s it exactly. And I’m glad you feel better, because it has made me feel much better, too.
I completely and wholeheartedly feel you on this especially after moving aroudn the world. I have absolutely nobody here besides my husband. All my friends are online and even my “real life” friends are back in New York while I’m half a world away. It can get a bit upsetting sometimes but then I realize that even though they are online, they are still there. Sometimes it’s hard to remember that behind all these internet usernames are real people and real people who care about each other. I wouldn’t be able to cope sometimes without all my online friends.
You were so brave in moving around the world. I’d be scared to move just to a new state, even the next one over. I don’t know that I could do what you did, for exactly those reasons. I don’t make friends easily, and I’d be so lonely. I’m lonely now, and I’ve lived in this state for 20 years. If it weren’t for online friends, I don’t know what I’d do. I’m glad that there are those communities out there for those of us who need them. Imagine what it was like before when it wasn’t an option, when everything had to be letters through the mail. A letter could take a long time to deliver, and then hear a reply; you’d be alone for weeks! I couldn’t do that, either. Letters are fun, now, because they’re a novelty. But if that was the only means of communication? No. Not for me. Maybe you’ll make friends at your new job as teacher