I’ve been doing a lot of thinking lately. Mostly about what it is that makes us who we are. As much as I know that who we are is made up by the inside parts of ourselves, our experiences and so forth. I can’t help but think that my things start to represent me, too. For instance, I’ve said before that I would feel like parting with a piece of myself if I were to give away any of my books. I felt devistated about the loss of my files. My writing, mainly, is what set this off. I poured my heart into those works, they felt like a significant part of me.
But, like I told my husband. They’re files. They’re not even real things.
I still feel lost without them. Very much like a piece of me is missing.
I’d still be me without my books. I’d still be me without my old (and honestly not very good, although not bad for a 14 year old) writing. Or, my kitten pictures of Max. My files are not me. My things are not me.
So then why do they feel so much like they are? Why do we have a need to personalize everything? Things come in colors, can be embroidered, can have different designs and styles. If our things don’t make us, why do we have to impose so much of ourselves, onto our things?
When I describe myself, the first two things I think of without fail is that I am a writer, and a reader. Secondly I list myself as a wife, and a cat-mom. I’m more than what I do, who I’m married to, and who I take care of.
But, what?
I think, at least in my case, our things become a shield. Our hobbies become an easy way to connect with people without having to really connect or converse. If I say I love to read, and someone I meet does too, that’s one thing we can talk about. That’s something to start a friendship on.
If I said I was an extreme introvert who found talking to people incredibly intimidating and non-desirable, well, then that conversation wouldn’t go quite as well.
Question to the readers: So, how do you define yourself?
I have always thought, who we are, is how we treat others. Perhaps too, the fun and time you spend with your mate makes up more of who you are, than just having one. Someone you can be yourself with, helps you be you.
What we contribute is what’s important I think. That can very much be related to our things. Especially book people. What you put in, contributes to what you put out. Artistic, computer, and other outlets also make us who we are in my opinion. I know if I didn’t have a pool, or my turtle, I just wouldn’t be me. 
However I also wouldn’t be me without all my scars. Inside and out, what doesn’t kill you makes you… more you? 
Hmm, that’s true, I think. What we chose to have meaning to us, shows a little about who we are.
It’s very true that sometimes we start defining ourselves by the things around us instead of the things that we do or the things that make us what we are. We should be described with adjectives not nouns? Ha, it’s late at night and I’m getting lame.
See, if you just asked me the question straight out without the blog post I would have started talking about New Zealand and how I’m a math teacher and I like to take pictures… the list would go on.
But those are things that I do and enjoy, not who I really am.
I thrive on adventure, love, and happiness. I like to be challenged but I challenge myself too much. I am very social and enjoy making friends. I like to give advice to people and I give it well but I also know when to listen.
It’s all very complicated, but it sounds like you have a pretty good handle on it.
I think because we’re human we have a hard time connecting who we are to the abstract idea of personality, purpose and defining ourselves. Having tangible things helps relate the two, in a way that is easily understood. It takes a lot to separate yourself from that and realize that things don’t equal who you are. I think most of us will have those moments of clarity when we lose a piece of the tangible identity or falter in our steps on the path we think we belong on. And just as quickly, many of us will snap back, like an elastic band, to defining ourselves based on what we’ve physically gathered from our experiences. It’s the never ending human struggle.
But it’s important to recognize it in these moments of clarity, which you’ve done. The stages of loss apply to everything, even files that “don’t exist.”
I define myself based on being clever and craving adventure and by choosing to surround myself with amazing, talented people who challenge me. I spent a lot of years being negative and living a lackluster life, but I want to be remembered as being cheerful and driven and endlessly passionate and curious. So that’s what I’m working toward, and I think I’m well on my way.
Yes. How we want people to remember us, is another way of figuring out who we are. I guess it’s what’s important to us?